Fitting in the Love

When I started my posts about my past I didn't expect the response I received. I knew other people had trouble. I made friends in high school with some of the kids whom were also bullied. I guess it was our common ground. I did find that it did not prevent us from bulling each other. Now I can't say that I can recall purposely making some one feel bad about themselves, but I may have. If I did it to you and you are reading please know it was never intentional. I NEVER wanted anyone to feel the way I felt. No one should go home and cry everyday. It just is not right. I can recall my mom crying, because as a mom you never want to see your babies hurt. I can't begin to explain how good it felt to let out the truth. All this started because I have sat for months dwelling on the fact of all the bullies that I had in my life, ONE took the time 15 years later to say sorry. She had the courage to "man up." Not all my bullies were female, I had plenty of male bullies too,...

So I wish to continue my thoughts from yesterday. See Bullying is a topic I have always been sensitive to. You see I can recall being told I was not being bullied. I remember being told I just needed "thicker skin." How is tearing someone apart supposed to give them "thicker skin?" I was "an easy target," or so I was told. I needed to "not make myself such a big target." I'm sorry but I don't know how I ever made myself a target. I know I can't be the only person whom ever had that thought. Yet one person could rally 20 other "kids" to make one person feel so bad. I will say I am thankful I grew up when I did. If my bullies had the access to the internet today's bullies do, not so sure I would be in the same place I am today. I have decided I would always be honest here. I live in fear. I fear what kind of impressions I make. Making friends as an adult is not easy. I admit I have a guard up, yet I am always almost ...

So a couple of months ago on Facebook I had a message from someone I went to middle school/high school with. We hung in the same circle of friends. We however we never really that close, always keeping each other at arms length. I can say she was more of my "bully" than friend. In this message she told me she was sorry. She realizes that her actions and words were harmful to me. She told me that what she did and said all those years ago were not the actions of a Christian that she thought she was. I cried, why, probably because it was the first time in over 15 years someone said they were sorry and meant it. I'm not perfect, I would be crazy to say I was. I come with battle scars. How I view myself is a result of YEARS of being bullied. I don't think I have even talked about how much it still effects my everyday life with my amazing husband. My self esteem is lacking, I have never felt pretty, I think I will always feel fat. This is damage that was done over YEARS of...

What a site, my two middle children at play. See I have lots of cabinets in my kitchen, so many in fact I somehow ended up with an empty one. Honestly I didn't really know this until yesterday. I should have realized when I never had to go into it for anything. So yesterday Lizard was being nosey and opening cabinets. When she saw this one was empty she stopped and just looked at me, I think at the time I was putting away dishes. I told her it was okay and that she could explore some more. My little girl was thrilled, she got to do something I normally would not allow. She played on her own for a few minutes, of course brother saw what was going on. He knew normally this would not be allowed. I stayed right there with the two of them the entire time. It was lots of fun for the two of them. I dig this picture, somehow it got flipped, but it shows very well how much fun they had. This was before the discovered they fit with the doors closed, eventually though they discovered...

Here is what I put in my Spaghetti sauce. (Yes we had spaghetti tonight, I went to the zoo today and wanted a quick meal) The garlic is not in the picture and I actually almost forgot it. I made about double what I needed for one meal so I froze half for another time (yeah I know you are seeing a theme.) I brown the meat and the onions and peppers and garlic on the stove before putting in the crock pot. I use a crock pot because it can sit and simmer all day letting the flavors really set. I think it gives it a richer flavor. I use this same sauce for my lasagna only if I am using it for that I add sugar, not much just a tad. Well since I had the hardest part of my meal started I cut naps short and we went to the zoo today. It was pretty decent out and we had planned on meeting a mommy from The Mommy Nest but we got there with some good time and the kids were set to see the animals so I just started going. That and my phone was mean and wouldn't let me see her number in my mess...

So I decided that on Monday's I would make crock pot meals. Every other Monday is Girl Scouts for Pumpkin so I need something fast to get out of the house quickly. The first week was a holiday so I just made lasagna. Last week I tried a Pinterest recipe of pulled pork. It was good but frankly it made way too much to even save and use later. If I do that one again, it will not have a bone, it will be smaller and there will be more people for dinner. Today I broke out my binder of Weight Watchers recipes. There are recipes I have never tried in there so today was a good day to try one out. I doubled it and it was quite tasty. It was Southwestern Slow Cooker Chicken and Potato Soup. I gathered everything together while the kids watched on. I think they want to cook daily but for now momma can barely do Friday's with them cooking. Once the fighting stops I will have them help me a bit more. The bag of corn is missing from this picture but it gets added much later. So I c...

So I decided two weeks ago I would start making treats on Friday's with the duo. Last week I made Christmas Crack and well I didn't let them help cause it would have been unsafe. I did however let them be the first to try it, and that was consumed by Monday in this house. Today the baking of choice was Banana Bread. I mean how yummy? So after dropping big sister off at school we came home. We got out everything we needed to make the bread. I allowed them to carry things to the counter and boy were they proud kiddo's helping momma. Then it came time to measure things out. I only have one step ladder for the kitchen and really this is because I can't reach the cabinet shelves. Well this was not big enough for the duo to share. The duo being Bubba and Lizard. This of course led to hitting and biting, now I love my kiddos but this drives me insane. There was lots of distraction while this went on, to include washing the hands a couple of times, to putting clean items in t...