Where?

So I wish to continue my thoughts from yesterday. See Bullying is a topic I have always been sensitive to. You see I can recall being told I was not being bullied. I remember being told I just needed "thicker skin." How is tearing someone apart supposed to give them "thicker skin?" I was "an easy target," or so I was told. I needed to "not make myself such a big target." I'm sorry but I don't know how I ever made myself a target. I know I can't be the only person whom ever had that thought. Yet one person could rally 20 other "kids" to make one person feel so bad.
I will say I am thankful I grew up when I did. If my bullies had the access to the internet today's bullies do, not so sure I would be in the same place I am today. I have decided I would always be honest here. I live in fear. I fear what kind of impressions I make. Making friends as an adult is not easy. I admit I have a guard up, yet I am always almost "too eager" to be accepted by new acquaintances. I fear being unaccepted. Can you imagine how that looks? I honestly don't know. I do what I can to not appear crazy. However I always feel crazy.
I have other fears. My biggest? My children will go through the torment I did. I know it broke my mother's heart to hear how hurt I was daily. I know how hard she tried to help me. Can I do that times 4? Will my kids come to me like I did my mom if they ever go through this? Will I stumble upon it online? Again thank goodness, I did not grow up with this technology. My other fear, my kid will be the bully. Oh this is a fear of mine. We talk about how God loves all people and how we should not exclude anyone for any reason. We talk about how to be a friend. Is it enough? I think if I found out my kid was the bully I would cry for a week.
Do I wish there was the awareness there is now when I was a kid? HECK YES!!!! Where was this when I was a kid? Would I have been told to "grow thicker skin" or "don't show them how much it hurts." Yes because both of those steps are easy. I also wonder if the awareness makes a difference. It seemed to me like things were never seen or taken seriously. Please tell me things have changed. I want to hear no one has to suffer.

Comments

  1. B.M.May 17, 2012 at 10:18 PM

    i dont know if things have changed. the anonymity of the internet gives people a false confidence and they hurt people even more. and even if they are not anonymous, its a cloak ugly people use to do things they are sometimes too cowardly to do in public.

    my older daughter get bullied. she would come home crying and sad when she was in 8th grade. i would try to get her to tell me what was going on. sometimes she would tell me, sometimes not.

    kids would do ugly mean things to her. speaking in spanish while walking behind her and laughing, little did the idiots know that her momma's Latina so she had an idea what they were saying. another time she felt guys walking really, really close behind her. she could feel the people up on her laughing but she didnt know what was up. when she got home i noticed that she had a huge black marker spot on the back of her shirt. spitting in her hair....etc. ugly things.

    i called the school a couple of times, but other times she would cry and beg me not to say anything. it would just make it worse she'd say.

    i hate that this happened to you. and i hate that it still goes on. things have gotten better for her, but she still tells me of some awful, awful things that kids do to each other. i have the same fears you do. i wonder if and how my J will be bullied because of his issues. i wonder if the baby will be bullied because hes chubby. and i wonder how i will be able to handle it all.

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